Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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