Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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