DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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