I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
