Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
