Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
