i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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