Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
