I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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