cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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