his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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