there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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