There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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