you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
