I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
