do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
