You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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