Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
