R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Randomize
