You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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