Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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