she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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