i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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