I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
