Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
