I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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