we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
