he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
