I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
