What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i out mim tonsoeep
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