why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
