At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
