Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
