I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
