she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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