She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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