just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
