apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
