im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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