It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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