There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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