Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
