I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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