That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
