I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
