margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
