HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
