i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
