I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
