I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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