he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I AM VODKA MAN
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
