how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
